And the truth must finally lie in that which every oppressed individual feels within himself but hasn't the courage to express
William Reich

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Disclaimer: This is satire of satire, the first satire being the ridicule of democracy by our leading candidates, who all seem to resemble strange beasts. Let’s take a look at the line up.

The Biggest Game-Changer In UK History- The 2015 Elections

The UK stands by to receive more enlightening messages from future leaders, and intelligent politicians who want to inspire change, and create a better tomorrow for millipedes.

The world tunes in and wonders; who will deliver the killer blow? Who will be the first to reveal the cocaine habits of the others, sealing the deal for Pieminister?

Channel flickers switch between election debates and episodes of Hollyoaks, reveling in the slander. Finally, politics has reached the keen mind’s of the young, as they watch, gorping at the social tact of their supreme monkey kings. “Please alpha males, protect us from the other nasty monkeys,” cry the fear-whipped baby monkeys, their wide eyes not knowing where else to turn.

The History of Politics

Before democracy there was only alpha male dominance through brute force. Then democracy came about, and the alpha males were given a new set of rules for their battles. Things didn’t go to plan, so it was decided that politics should be more open and real.

And it was decided from that day, that politics was to become more honest and transparent. And in its new found honesty, the alpha males balled at each other even louder, and with even more velocity, determined to verbally slap their opponent monkey into submission, hence proving their greater authority as King of the Jungle. Politicians no longer had to make up speeches, or pay some guy to do it. They could just get fired up on PCP and shout at each other.

Over time it was not just monkeys who competed for territorial dominance, but other specimens of the wild too. Strange creatures reared their ugly heads, and began to meddle in human affairs. 21st century politics is still alpha male orientated; but now it is not just monkeys. Take a look at this years candidates:

2016 Election Candidates:

The first candidate
The first candidate- creating a better tomorrow for droopy eyed dogs

 

The second candidate: making the world a better place for screw-face muppets
The second candidate: making the world a better place for screw-face muppets

 

 

The third candidate: making the world a better place for millipedes
The third candidate: making the world a better place for millipedes

 

 

Vote wisely everyone. Our future depends on it, after all.


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